Deep into the Work of the Shadow
Photography by Nicole Leoné Miller
It was first in 2017 when my ‘shadow self’ was activated, much like noticing my shadow when I walk in the sun. It is there, but to what end have I actually noticed it? I already had the framework for the ‘shadow’ from a Comparative Religion class in which the professor taught Carl Jung’s work. Jung postulated that there is the ‘personal shadow,’ whatever we label inferior, unacceptable, malevolent to be obscured into consciousness. This is the part of the ‘self’ we hide from the world. It is worth noting that he then describes the ‘archetypal shadow’ in which humanity agrees an act, event, or person is evil. Then there is the question that asks what the ‘self’ even is, but more on that later.
I had been journaling for years about my shadow without even knowing this was the work I was doing. For many people, the shadow is so overwhelming that some perpetually neglect it or even refuse to take responsibility for it. I, on the other hand, was cursed to have the relationship with my shadow in the forefront for a lifetime. When did the work end? How many times did I have to journal about the misconception I felt people had of me? How many times in my yoga practice did I have to think of the memories that brought me shame? How often did I have to feel the emotions that brought out the worst in me in my meditations? I had to continue to exhume every single thing I did not like about myself, my anxieties, and fears, into the light.
This work was daunting for me and left my legs feeling like lead as I walked through life. So, in 2017 I attended a workshop with Michele Vinbury about shadow work framed around the animal archetype: the Panther. I faced my inner demon through an intentional Tibetan meditation that gave me the imagery and context to revisit these lessons over again. Dark energy contorted and manifested into the strength and strategy of the black panther.
Perhaps I learned that I can hold anxiety and fear in one hand with love and trust in the other. There is wisdom in our shadows, but best not to perseverate over our own self-representation.
Without getting too complicated, one can explain the phenomena of the ‘self’ by how we perceive our experiences; “the sense of ownership of body parts (‘this is my arm’), the sense of agency (‘this is my action’), the sense of authorship of thoughts (‘this is my thought’)” and then this range of self-related information unifies into our identification of the ‘self.’ I would argue that there is explicit self-awareness and implicit self-awareness in an ‘embodied self.’ Remaining curious about what’s hiding in my shadow while also being aware how I perceive my ‘self’ is vital for me to stay embodied. If you would like to explore more of these practices together, contact me and let’s have a conversation.
